What I like about today. - Intro

Everyday is a battle.

Some days are war.

But there is always something that is right, that is a gift, that if left without, you'd lose.

This is my attempt to acknowledge those everyday things, so you and I can come here on those bummed out days, read and maybe feel a little bit better than we did before.

I'm going to try and post, as often as possible, things I am thankful for. Big, small, silly, insignificant, massive, weird, everyday things.

Stay tuned for part 1.

Such is life

"Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. 
The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too."

-Lemony Snicket

Walls.

Sometime we do these thing.
These little little things.
Day in and day out.
Sometimes we do some other things.
Thing to survive, things we're responsible for, things that make us happy, things that need to be done.
We bathe, we try and finish what our boss wants finished, we meet friends over some coffee or beer, we take public transport.


On some other days, we think of what to do, what needs to be done, what is right versus what feels right.
On the days when the two are the same, we thank God.
On the days they aren't, we find ourselves wrapped up in these trivialities. Looking for signs, ideas, direction. Hearing but rarely listening.

And on all most all of these days we forget, to do those things, that make us believe. That let us dream. That let us be, who we always wished we could be.

We have these mind games, we all have them.
They distract us.
From what is real. From what we are too afraid to feel, from who we are too scared to be.

And on one of those rarest of rare moments of clarity we do get, we are left.
Wondering.
What if the walls came down.
What then?

'Nuff said! :D

2 AM thoughts

I am not strong. I am not pretty. I am not brilliant. I am not magnanimous. I am not special. I am not perfect.

But I am loyal. I am loving. I do forgive. I make mistakes, I try to learn form them. I do listen. I am vulnerable. I have faith. I have hope. I give respect. I try my best.

I'm not be who you want me to be, I may not even try.

I'm probably not even who I want to be, or how I thought I should.

Everyday I change. You may never know me, but then again, will I ever know myself?

Life at this moment

Its been one of 'those' days today.

The world seems to be evil. The universe is out to get me. Actually, its been one of those months.

I'm 22, and right now it feels like this is the bottom of the barrel. Every opportunity seems life changing.

Every deadline seems brutal. Every missed chance seems like the worst mistake of my life.

Call me dramatic, but this is the time in life where pain, is like a 100 rusty twisty knifes going through my body, mangling up my insides an then suddenly being yanked out.

I think you get the picture.

Happiness usually comes in short fleeting moments, like those little déjà vus, gone as quickly as they came.

Okay, maybe its not all that bad but this is the time of exaggerations.

Exaggerated pain.

Exaggerated stress.

Exaggerated hope.

Exaggerated despair.

Exaggerated love.

Ah love..

I love falling in love. The best feeling to exaggerate. It comes like a storm, knocks you off your feet. The stomach does crazy things. Its like the world falls into place. Everything is new, shiny, unicorns and pixie dust!

Then, being in love happens. Its fun, but in such an unexaggerated, gentle way. Routines are established. Expectations are set. Habits are analysed and discussed. Arguments become old. Comfort beings to take over the craziness.

Toes curl occasionally, butterflies in the tummy, rarely ever.

There is something sweet and cozy about the comfort. But is that what i want now?

Isn't now about the 'life experiences'. The fiery passions. The clandestine affairs. The broken crockery. The impulsive road trips. The PAINFUL goodbyes. The bitterest good riddances.

There is a lifetime left for comfort. Now is for drama. For exaggerations. Till your heart can handle it. It is for blatant disregard for all that is considered normal, real and possible.

It is to cry like your soul is dying.

It is to laugh like you rule the world.

It is to love like you're putting Juliet to shame.

It is to hate like you want to disembowel someone and strangle them with their own intestines.

It is the time to experience every emotion, like its going to be the last of it.

Theres a lifetime left for comfort.

Love or something like it.

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."


- Captain Corelli's Mandolin.